Are We Expecting Too Much From Modern Fatherhood?

By Sofie Jacobs
 

What does it mean to be a dad these days? In many ways fatherhood has transformed from an authoritarian, provider role to a much more nurturing and active one. Whereas fathers traditionally took a backseat in childrearing, now they’re expected to be present and engaged in literally all aspects of parenthood. From attending antenatal classes to supporting their other half in the labour room, to feeding, changing and nurturing their child’s development in a myriad of ways, modern fatherhood involves diving in headfirst and getting your hands dirty. The figures add up too. In 2016 the average dad spent eight hours per week doing childcare, which is significantly more than the 2.6 hours that men with kids spent, back in 1985.

As the role of fatherhood has evolved it has meant there are a lot of new expectations put upon dads that are probably quite different to the way today’s dads were raised by their own fathers. Mothers expect help with labour preparation, hypnobirthing, night feeds, changing nappies, weaning, burping, playtime and more. And why not? This shift to a more equal way of parenting may not be 50/50 in every household, but increasingly, there’s a cultural move toward sharing the responsibilities more evenly.

It means dads and dads-to-be can feel enthusiastic about the opportunities they have to be involved, but the flipside is they can sometimes feel overwhelmed as they embrace modern fatherhood without a point of reference from their own upbringing.

Ready for the future

Supporting mothers to adapt to their new role is commonplace – but what about the fathers? I really believe they also need support to feel prepared for parenthood and need the right tools to help them to navigate their role with confidence. You wouldn’t start a new job without a bit of training and immersion first, so why shouldn’t dads be given more attention and time to get them primed to hit the ground running?

It’s something I feel passionate about and it’s one of the reasons my online antenatal and postnatal class, Hatch Essential, has dedicated modules for partners and dads. Parenting is tough gig and preparing fathers not only helps the women I work with – and the children they raise – it also helps strengthen couples by giving them the tools they need to work together as a team. Learning the practical stuff is just as important as preparing emotionally.

New rules, new role

It surprises me just how often fathers are expected to make it up as they go along and wing it without being given any help, because men increasingly want to be more involved and are hungry for information, advice and tested techniques. I’ve seen the change first hand from my 20 years experience as a midwife.

Dads want to be there for the milestones and the daily grind, and it seems gradually, society is waking up to this fact, trying to provide more opportunities – like shared parental leave and flexible working, but while societal changes are fairly slow-paced, in the home, most families have modern expectations of fatherhood that aren’t fully supported in practical terms. Men still earn more money. Women still do more childrearing. This means today’s fathers are trying to bridge the gap between what they’re able to achieve and what they want to achieve as dads. Fundamentally, modern dads are passionate, sensitive and interested, with dads wanting to help raise well-adjusted, caring children.

Challenges

It’s complicated on many levels. Trying to do and say the right things and trying to be true to their own ideas of fatherhood is hard enough for a lot of men, but trying to do be a model modern dad, taking the kids to the park, taking on feeding responsibilities and everything else, while trying to provide with a full time income and be the perfect partner, can feel overwhelming. It’s almost taboo to say it because culturally speaking it feels as though men shouldn’t complain or find fatherhood challenging, when often it’s women’s lives that alter more profoundly with the arrival of a baby. Ultimately it’s not a competition and comparing isn’t a helpful approach. I find that for many men, and women, accepting the challenges of each partner’s situation is vital to moving forward as a parenting team. Doing this allows each individual to explain their situation and problem solve together.

Men only

Parenthood can be strewn with intimidating situations that modern dads want to master. From knowing what to do in the labour room, to managing the early newborn days and their partner’s hormonal and emotional journey, to figuring out exactly what is expected from them once they’re at home with their new baby. Getting to a point where these situations change from being intimidating to normal is a matter of discussion, education and preparation.

From books to antenatal classes with a focus on men, to forums and discussion groups for fathers, there are more and more opportunities for dads to get prepared and get well informed. Being proactive and seeking out these resources is something that modern dads will no doubt embrace, just as much as they embrace their evolving role.

 

Urban Hatch’s online prenatal course, HATCH, contains 33 course for all dads-to-be to get ready for their newborn baby, join us today!

Similar Resources

Let’s Connect

@urban_hatch | #urbanhatch
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Yes What expecting mums and dads need to hear is...⁠ ⁠ that nipples might bleed and crotches might sting, but
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    The active phase of labour is where things often get tricky for partners, too...Here's our advice for partners in this
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    How long should you wait to cut the cord? ⁠ ⁠ We'd say at least a full minute (unless there's
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Naps take on a whole new meaning with little ones...⁠ ⁠ ‍♀️overtired babies refusing their nap⁠ ⏲️the struggle of planning
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Question for dads: what was your favourite way of bonding with your baby in the early months? Tag a dad
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Check out our blog post on the crazy things that happen to your hormones during postpartum (they actually reach levels
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    What if planning is not the best way of feeling ready for birth? What if, instead, we focus on preparing
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Breastfeeding while baby-wearing, who's done it? ‍♀️ If you think people stare when you breastfeed in public, try doing it
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Hands up if you've ever felt guilty for working too much or ashamed of not working enough ⁠‍♀️⁠ ⁠ It's
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    We all have expectations. And for decades, mainstream perceptions and education around birth and babies teach us to plan and
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    What do you wish you would have known? Check out our online pre and postnatal course Hatch™ for the real
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Small things can make a big difference in laying the right sleep foundations for your baby, especially if you're mindful
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    What was the best thing your partner did during labour?⁠ ⁠ :  @danicadonnelly 
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Some days they feel like cracks. Some days, they're tiger marks. Embrace it all, mama...you're fragile and fierce and that's
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    No one hustles like a working mama Curious…did you feel comfortable telling your manager and/or team: "Hey I'll be taking
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    If you're looking for a prenatal course that speaks to your partner, we've got it This little gem is from
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Did you feel satisfied, sad, proud, guilty or all/none of the above about returning to work after maternity leave?⁠ ⁠
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Simple affirmations can be so powerful if they hit the right note ✨ We've hand-picked 16 of our favourite bump
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Breaks my heart to know that some mums-to-be might not get to have their partners physically by their side for
  • by urban_hatch 2 years ago
    Breastfeeding is natural. That doesn't mean it's instinctive or easy. Your experience is valid, mama. More truths and tips about

Learn. Laugh. Love.

Enter your email and you’ll get expert antenatal advice, plus invitations to free online events.